Complacency Has Its Limits

When are we in danger of dating complacency kicking in TOO much? For the first few weeks/months of dating someone, we always put our best face (and outfits and behaviour) forward. It's not that we pretend to be someone we're not, but we hold back on revealing some of those quirks that make us unpleasantly unique (aka, less than perfect). We wear makeup and perfume on every date. Our fingernails are always clean. Our toenails are always polished. Our clothes are always laundered and pressed. Our hair is always Aveda-fresh. But this is an impossible status quo to maintain, because technically, it's not the status quo.

For instance, I despise shaving my legs. I'd much rather wax them and keep them soft and clean for weeks at a time. But when I start dating someone, I have to shave every day, god forbid he might think I'm actually comfortable with having a permanent 5 o'clock shadow (which I'm not). Shaving, of course, makes the hair become coarse and thick and just plain nasty. But since I've been shaving daily, I have to keep shaving, despite the fact that the razor is starting to burn me. UGH!

So what happens when you reveal your preferences to your new beau, and also inform him that the waiting period is at least a week? Does this indicate to the man that you've acquiesced to physical apathy? I mean, how is the poor guy supposed to react? With joy? 'Awesome! My girl is turning hippy (or French) on me for a week. HAWT! Maybe I'll grow a beard in support?'

And then what? Should we apologize for these imperfections, and admit we were hiding a truth about ourselves from the beginning? 'I'm sorry I didn't shave today.' Um, actually, no I'm not! I didn't shave because I didn't want to, and in my subconcious I determined that you'd just have to suck it up; because if you really like me, you'll survive the rough spots.

But you really can't adopt that 'whatever, suck it up' attitude with any permanence if you want your man to stick around. Let's take my Mom, for example. In her early 50s, she still moisturizes, waxes, wears makeup, maintains a lean, size 6, 5'9" frame, sleeps in silk and tweezes. Why? Because it doesn't matter how many years you've been married or how many kids you have, it's never cool to 'let yourself go.' Dad's been around for 33 years and counting. He's never had reason to look elsewhere. The way I see it, if one of your imperfections has to rear its ugly head for a short time, step up the presentation of your other attributes. Work out harder, take a longer shower, curl your hair... That way your date doesn't have to fear the bunny-slipper, hair-roller, cotton-nightgown, 300-pound, pasty, droopy-skinned alter ego that he might otherwise believe you're becoming.